


Your humanity

by CastielLover20



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-05-23 17:22:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14938610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielLover20/pseuds/CastielLover20
Summary: In a universe where Metatron doesn’t exist and Dean didn’t stop Castiel from killing Naomi, Dean and Cas will break up for a long time, until they see each other again. Sam is dead and Castiel is human.  Dean can’t live after his brother’s death and Cas can’t do it either, not after the tortures he had been dealt in Heaven by Bartholomew. Dean will search for Cas and when he finally finds him, both of them will experience the best two days of their lives  Dean had taken Castiel to get a new trench coat, to seal their reunion. Castiel refuses to wear it because he thinks he is not the same person he once was. Which, he is kind of right.  Then, on their return to the bunker, a track will hit them and Dean will be in a coma. Castiel takes the trench coat that reminds him of Dean, returns to the bunker with Kevin and searches for a way to bring Dean back. But what he is going to do will cost him.





	1. The reunion

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank all the people that supported all this long. I don’t want to say names, thank you all for everything. This work took me months and it's 12.404 words. I'll start posting the parts, hope you like it!

Art made by @sassypantscas (THANK YOU!!!) <https://sassypantscas.tumblr.com> (Art [here](https://sassypantscas.tumblr.com/post/175171932819/hi-this-is-a-gift-for-the-trench-coat-mini-bang))

 

After he killed Naomi, Castiel was completely alone. He was tortured in heaven for a time that seemed months in heaven but only a few weeks on Earth. He called Dean a few times but only the first of them he answered. He said Sam was in a coma after the trials. His voice was broken and trembling. Castiel said he turned to human but Dean didn’t care at the time.

“ _I’ll call you later Cas_ ” Dean said and closed his phone. But Dean never actually called.

Castiel was scared for the first time in his own life. He had nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide from the angels. For once again, he was alone. Human. All the feelings were new. They drowned him. He had to deal with all the human feels alone. He was on the road for a few time. He found a job -that he hated- so he could have the money to eat and stay to a motel at least. He had been Dean from time to time but Dean never answered. It had been two months and Castiel gave up after he lost his phone. So he lost any contact with the Winchesters. This time was really difficult to him. He was fighting with his depression and his suicidal thoughts.

Four months passed that Castiel was human. That night, he was sleeping  in his motel room. He had the same nightmares he always had. His memories from heaven tortures. Bartholomew having him tied to the wall, graceless, taking the angel blade and cutting him. Then he was healing him and torturing him again. He was playing with his mind, so Castiel was having visions of Dean being a demon and enjoying seeing him broken. Vision Dean hated him, remind him his mistakes to a point that Castiel's feelings broke that bad that he couldn’t heal himself. Not even with time. That was what happened in heaven, and even if he was free now, his mind was still there. That’s why he needed Dean more than any other times and Dean was absent.

So, he twitched in his sleep. He took a long deep breath and went to the bathroom to take a shower, hoping that this would relax him. He needed to sleep, to go to his job in the morning. He couldn't sleep for three days by his nightmares and he was really weak. So he took off his suit jacket, his vest, his shirt and his pants and wearing only his boxers he sat in the tub. His trench coat was destroyed from the tortures so he threw it to the trash a long time ago. He washed his body slowly, careful of his scars in his body that was still healing, and then sat there for a few hours, hugging his knees, trying to calm down. He was really stressed. Then he walked out of the tub he took a towel and after he dressed, he returned to his bed. It was three at the night and he still couldn't sleep. He turned on the lights and sat on the couch to watch some tv.

Till the moment someone knocked the door. Dean was searching for Cas the whole time and when he was sure where exactly was he headed for him. He stood for a few minutes outside of Castiel's room and when he saw from the window the lights open, he took the strength to knock.

When Castiel heard the door, he immediately stood up and took his angel blade. He had a lot of angel problems till now, so if an angel was outside he was ready to fight.

Dean waited but Castiel stayed silent so Dean yelled: "Cas, it's Dean. Open the door, I beg you" Dean said but still, he didn't hear anything.

Castiel dealt with the angels messing with his head and pretending they were Dean before, so he just stepped back when he heard the lock being picked. Dean opened the door, and Castiel instinctively threw his angel blade into him, and the blade pined to the wall, exactly next to Dean's head. Then Castiel took another angel blade from his belt, threatening Dean.

Dean freaked out when his friend tried to kill him. Till the moment Castiel spoke.

-I won't eat your shit, I know you are not Dean, so go away or I'll have to kill you.

-Cas, it is really me. I swear. I was searching for you for months. Dean said. His eyes were red and puffy, he seemed exhausted.

Castiel hesitated.

-Why should I believe you? Take the blade next to you from the wall and cut your hand to see you bleeding.

And that what Dean did. Dean bled in front of Cas.

-You see? No grace. It is really me. Your friend. We are family, remember?

-You are still nothing to me, Castiel said with anger still threating him with the blade. No friend, no family, nothing. I was alone the whole time. I had nothing. Where were you the whole time? Why didn’t you answer to any of my calls? I was waiting for you like stupid to call me. Do you get how hard was for me being human?

Dean swallowed, feeling guilty.

-Just put the blade down Cas and let me talk to you. I can explain everything. Please, and Dean walked carefully closer to him. Sam... Sam died, he stuttered, and his eyes went wet. And I couldn't help. I was so destroyed, that I couldn't talk to you. And when I tried, when you stopped calling, I called you, I swear, but your phone was dead. And then I searched for you, tears fell to Dean's face. But you were hiding so god damn well, and it was hard and I was slow. I would never leave you alone Cas... I swear... Just let me be here for you again...

And Dean walked to Castiel and he hugged him crying. Castiel had nothing to say when he heard Sam was dead. And that Dean really searched him. He didn't hug back. He thought that seeing Dean again would make everything better but it didn't. He just reminded him the times he was up there, and the times that his vision self, told him how much he hated him.

Dean felt horrible, and the fact that Cas didn't hug back made things worst. He pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Ok, I get you are not ready to trust me now, but I will make you trust me again. Are we together on this, right? Still family. Just both of us." Dean said forcing a smile as he swept his tears. Cas' silence and sad face made him anxious. So he went to his bag. "I have a gift for you. You might find it stupid, but I thought yours might be destroyed and it really reminded me of you. Just wanted it for you" he said and took from his bag a whole new trench coat.


	2. Staying Together

Castiel looked at the coat, still silent. He stepped back a little. His heart was so broken, he couldn't stand it. "Dean... No..." he turned his back on him, and walked to the bathroom, wanting to stay alone.

Dean was full of confusion and sadness. The only thing he wanted was to make him a gift. He knew how much Cas loved his trench coat and just wanted to make things better between them. But Cas seemed more upset than before. He walked to the bathroom, wanting to make Cas feel better. He put his hand on his shoulder and Cas twitched for a moment. "Hey, buddy... What have I done? I mean, I took the trench coat for you, why are you so upset?" he asked worriedly.

Castiel turned and looked at Dean. Castiel's eyes were tired and he was exhausted. He swallowed. "I have been through a lot Dean. I am not the same person... And this trench coat... Reminds me..." he stopped for a minute, it was way difficult to hold his tears and talk at the same time. "Reminds me the things I was and I am not." he finally managed to say.

Dean was seeing his angel collapsing in front of him and he couldn't. He didn't care that Cas was still uncomfortable and probably he hadn't forgiven him... yet. He grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him into a long hug, rubbing Cas' back. The fact that Castiel tilted his head, resting on Dean's shoulder, softly crying, made Dean feel he was helping and regaining his connection with his former angel. He pulled him back and stared into his eyes. "Hey, you are the same person. My guardian angel. Your heart is still the same, no matter what have you been till now. You are the same to me. And it's just a coat. You are the same person I love. And with everything you have been through like I said we will deal together. I won't leave you again. I swear to my life" Dean said and gave a kiss to Cas' cheek and he leaned to kiss his mouth, but Castiel's sad eyes were looking at him, begging to stop. And he was right. This shouldn't be their first kiss. So he pulled him again to a hug. Cas had said nothing to him that made Dean worry even more.

Dean's words comforted Castiel a lot. Even if he was silent. He was unable to talk. He was in big psychological pain to talk. "I am exhausted" he whispered after a few time and Dean pulled back.

"Sure buddy" and he forced a smile to his depressed angel. He gulped anxiously. "Can I stay with you?" he asked knowing Cas was a mess right now to have Dean too. 

Castiel laid on the bed immediately, wanting to close the world around him and be left alone. "Of course" he said. No matter what Dean did, he still loved him. He still was his family. 

Dean smiled softly. "Thank you, Cas. Means a lot." he said and left his bag next to the couch. "I'll sleep on the couch if you don't mind" Dean said and walked to Cas' bed and covered him. Then he laid on the couch. "Goodnight Cas" he said

Silent, Castiel closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He was awake for hours but in the end, he fell to sleep after three days without sleep.


	3. Sleeping Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I repeat myself from other fics I wrote later but published earlier, like "Castiel's Diary"... I also know I owe you new chapters, I will, sorry for the waiting.

Dean was awake as Castiel was sleeping. He had his own problems that couldn't let him sleep. He knew he had to be strong for Cas. But what should he do after losing Sam? If he didn't have a cause now, protecting Cas, he didn't know if he would be alive. He was taking medicines for depression that made him sleep for hours or the opposite. Now was the opposite. He took a glass of water and laid again, staring at the ceiling.

It was five in the morning and Cas started shaking to his sleep, softly crying and mumbling a few things Dean couldn't hear clearly. He walked closer to hear better. 

"Bartholomew... Please... Leave him alone... Please, I beg you... I can't take anymore... Stop... Please Stop..." Castiel was begging to his sleep, crying. His memories from Heaven came back to his sleep. "Dean..."

Dean wanted to wake him, Cas shouldn't be in that pain. But when he heard his name he froze. Cas kept talking.

"Dean... Please... Don't say that. It was a mistake... I never wanted to hurt you... You said we were family once... You'll always mean the same to me... This can't be true, you are not real. You'd never say that... Stop... Please..."

Dean had frozen to his place. What was Cas seeing, about him? He started shaking him, trying to wake him.  "Cas, please, this isn't real, please wake up, wake up..." he said all over again.

Castiel woke up taking a big breath and looked at Dean. He realized he was crying in his sleep and that's what made Dean seem upset. "Sorry..." he whispered and then took Dean into a long hug, trying to calm. He was breathing fast, holding Dean tight.

Cas surprised Dean by hugging him and then Dean enjoyed the hug holding his angel tight. "Cas it's ok. It's over. I swear." he said and gave a kiss to his cheek.

Then, Castiel pulled back and laid again on the bed. Dean laid next to him, staring to his wet, red eyes. "Talk to me... Tell me what you saw. Tell me about what happened. You'll feel better" he whispered caressing his hair. Castiel wanted to talk. Dean's voice was soft and calming. 

He took a long deep breath, staring into his eyes, trying to feel safe next to him. "I was tortured by Bartholomew. Four months. Two weeks here. He did things..." he stopped and took a deep breath. "He did things to me. Things you can't imagine. Tortures that you haven't live in hell. Because angels... were practiced in torturing a long time that demons can't even imagine. Once I was present in tortures like that. I was graceless. They had me tied with cuffs. They were breaking my body and heal me all over again. They were playing with my mind." he was full of emotions and started crying. "They built illusions in my mind. I was seeing you. You were a demon. And you were torturing me. You said all over you hated me, you remind me my mistakes. You told me my worst fears. That was the best torture they ever found to do and they did it by messing with my head." He started crying again. He hated being that fragile.

Dean held him tight. He was shocked at what Cas had been through. «So, you say they had a vision me to torture you?» he said hesitating for making Cas’ situation worse. He was so hurt seeing his strong angel, being that broken and that hurt. As he nodded, tears falling to Dean’s shirt, Dean took his head closer to him, as Cas curled up in his hug. «Cas, I am here. Real me. I would never do anything to you. I would never hurt you. You are my family… I… I love you so much Cas» Dean stuttered. «I won’t let you go. And they will never find you again as long as I breathe. And I hate myself for letting you alone. I am so sorry Cas… This is my fault… Could you ever forgive me?» he said crying too now, rubbing Cas’ back. 

«It is not your fault. At least you are here» Castiel whispered grabbing Deans wet shirt from his tears and crying harder. «Just stay with me» Castiel whispered slowly calming and resting on Deans hug. He was really exhausted so soon, he fell to sleep.

Dean felt blessed that his angel managed to sleep, so he stayed there, awake, hugging his love, hoping Cas was feeling better now that he was with him. He was kissing Cas’ forehead, hoping to wash away all the pain and the bad memories.


	4. Cuddling

Next morning, two hours later Castiel twitched from the alarm to his phone and stared at Dean that was looking at him, still sitting in the bed. Castiel stretched his arms and gave a shy smile to Dean.  

Dean got up and walked to close his alarm. «What is the alarm for? I really wanted you to sleep and get some rest. You look horrible.» Dean said, holding Cas from his shoulders. 

«Just… I need to go to my job…» Castiel whispered looking down ashamed. «I work as a waiter to a fast food» He was feeling so ashamed about it. He was a former warrior of God and now, the best he could do was to work as a waiter. «I need to move from time to time so this job is a good cover for me. And isn’t long-time commitment.» he explained. 

«Hey, Cas I get it» Dean said seeing that his love was ashamed of how he ended as human. «You did your best to survive, and with me absent, you did amazing work. Other people wouldn’t stand what you have been through. It is not necessary to go, I am here now. Please don’t go. We said we are together on this so you don’t have to go there again. Things will go better for us I swear. A job isn’t necessary for you now because I am here.» 

Castiel was feeling stupid that he believed every single word that Dean said to him. He was gone for a long time and he had learned to stand only to himself and trust no one. But this was Dean… His Dean… «Ok, I’ll stay» he said with difficulty and stared back at him. Oh God, he missed this beautiful, green, sparkling eyes. Even if he was exhausted and depressed, Dean had still this sparkle in his eyes. Then he took a deep breath. «How Sam died?» he asked, knowing Dean, was enough hurt to talk about it but he needed to know. 

Dean swallowed and did a step back as he felt like they stabbed him in his heart. «Sam… Sam was really hurt from the trials. He was in a coma for a month but in the end, he didn’t make it…» he swept a tear that fell on his face. «I was hoping that you could heal him and I was waiting for you to call and when you said that you had been tortured and that you were human… I lost any hope…» Dean turned his back at Cas trying to hide that he was crying. «The stupid son of a bitch» he said with a broken voice. 

Castiel felt guilty that he asked about it. He walked to his place and grabbed Dean by his shoulder. «I am here. You are not alone in this.» 

Dean swept his tears. «Yeah Cas, I have to admit that the meds I take for depression, really work but… having you out there, alone and alive and… human was my only hope and target to find you. Just I hope you are able to forgive me» he said and hugged his angel. 

Castiel hugged back and rubbed his back. «Of course Dean. You are my family» he whispered and closed his eyes, calming having Dean to his arms. 

Dean looked up at Cas and cupped his face. «I missed you so much Cas. I love you» Dean said and pulled the angels face into his and kissed him, low and intimate. It was amazing, Dean felt like himself after a long time. He pulled back to see Cas’ reaction  

Castiel was surprised by the kiss. He felt something he never felt before. As human at least. Like he was drunk by the kiss. «Dean… Wh…What was that» he stuttered staring at Dean full of euphoria.  

«That was… What I missed all the time I was gone. And it was amazing» Dean said and took Cas hand as they sat on the couch. «Just cuddle with me. I want to watch a movie with you, I want to spend all the time in our lives with you» Dean said and made Cas the little spoon  

Castiel head tilted at Dean’s words. He had a really strange feeling that just was amazing to him. He curled up in Deans hug and just enjoyed a movie with him. Both of them didn’t have any idea of what was happening in the film but both enjoyed the silence they had and the warm hug they were. 


	5. First Time

When it was night, Dean got up and smiled at Cas. «Let me make something for you to eat. When we were kids I made the food for Sam. I assume you have no idea how to cook.» he chuckled. 

Castiel smiled and felt good that Dean was able to make a tiny joke. «You guess right. I mostly order from delivery» and he smiled as he followed Dean to the kitchen. 

Dean made them eggs and bacon and he took the plates to the couch. «Come to eat, handsome» he said to Cas as Cas blushed. They sat on the couch and started eating. 

«You are really good at cooking» Castiel commented as he ate fast. He was hungry, he had to eat for days. 

«Yeah, you should try Jody’s food. I am an amateur in front of her» he said with a smile on his face and as they ate he was staring at Cas the whole time. «You are extremely cute. I love you so much» he said leaning close to him.  

Castiel blushed as Dean said that and as he leaned too close to him. «Love you too» he managed to say, looking at Dean. 

Dean took his face and started kissing him again. They both closed their eyes, pleased and Dean started kissing Cas’ neck. Castiel was breathing fast enjoying this as hell. He kissed Dean one more time as Dean crossed his hand under the angel’s shirt, to his chest and then to his back. He grabbed Cas, still kissing and took him to the bed, and he laid up to him. He crossed his hand under Cas’ belt and Castiel pulled back surprised for a moment. 

«Dean… This is my first time…» he panted and Dean smiled at him. 

«Don’t worry Cas. This is my first time too. With a man. And I want this with you as hell. If you want it too.» 

«Of course I do» Castiel said and kissed Dean again as Dean unclothed them both. 


	6. Pain makes Poetry

Dean pulled back and laid next to Cas, both out of breath. He covered them with the blanket and gave a kiss to Cas that was still astonished. «How you felt?» Dean asked hoping Cas enjoyed this like he did. 

Castiel was staring at the ceiling, still being lost by the feel. «Dean… that was… the best feeling I ever had» he whispered and looked at him. Was I correct?» he asked staring at his love. 

«You were more than correct Cas. It was the best moment in my life» Dean said and kissed his angel. «It was the best sex I ever had, with the most important person in my life» 

Castiel smiled at him. He liked this side of Dean. Lovey Dovey, expressive, soft and kind with him. He rested on Dean’s chest. He was calm and happy for a long time. Dean’s warm breath on his hair was more than he could ever ask. 

«Dean, what comes next for us?» he asked with a soft tone, nuzzling to his hug. 

«You come to the bunker. We have a life together. Deal with all the shit we have. You are my hope Cas. The only light in my life.» Dean said kissing Cas’ forehead. 

«I’d love that» Castiel answered and closed his eyes. «You became so poetic. I like that side of you.» 

«Yeah pain makes us poetic I guess» Dean chuckled and held Castiel tighter as both fell into peaceful sleep. 


	7. The Next Day

Dean woke up next morning earlier than Cas. He made him breakfast and waited for him to wake up. It was afternoon when he saw Cas moving a little under the sheets. He walked closer to him and started kissing him. «Good morning sleeping beauty» he smiled wide at him. 

Castiel smiled opening his sleepy eyes. «The best awaking ever» he whispered smiling. «What smells that gorgeous, is it fresh cooked…» 

«Burgers» Dean interrupted him and smiled at him. «And some pie» he said with a silly proud face. «Wanted to take care of you for our amazing night» and he kissed his nose. «You were amazing.» 

Castiel smiled. «Ok, just give me a minute to dress.» 

«Cas, after we had you shouldn’t be ashamed of me» Dean chuckled but stopped at Cas serious face. «Ok» and he turned his back as Castiel got up to wear his clothes. Dean peeped out and then turned upset looking at his hurt lover. 

«Cas what the hell? What are all these scars on your body?» he yelled at him and Castiel felt even more horrible. He stared to the floor and sat in the bed. «It was really dark that’s why you didn’t saw them. It is from heaven. From the tortures. They heal slower than I thought. It isn’t a big deal, I swear» he said and put his pants on. 

Dean sat next to him and placed his hand on Cas back, feeling with his fingers his scars. «I should know. I am so sorry» he whispered and gave a kiss to his cheek. «I didn’t wanna to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry. Just… They’ll heal. Both of us we’ll heal together.» and he nuzzled to his neck. «Come with me, let’s eat. It’s your favorite.» and he took him from his hand and sat together, eating. 

After they ate, Dean took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them as Castiel walked to Dean’s bag and took the trench coat Dean wanted to give him. He took it and wore it, staring to himself in the mirror. He wasn’t the person he was, the person he saw in the mirror was a broken person and not the strong angel he once was. In his reflection, he saw Dean walking to his place and started kissing his neck. «You are going to accept my gift?» he asked as he was kissing his neck. Castiel’s eyes were wet and he just whispered in a broken tone «I can’t Dean. I am not that person anymore.» and he took off the trench coat. 

«It’s ok Cas. You are to me. You are my love. The same person I fell in love with.» and pulled him into a long hug. Cas closed his eyes and kissed Dean’s cheek. As they pulled back, Dean took the trench coat back to his bag. Not to upset Cas even more. 

Castiel smiled at him and took some clothes from his own bag. «I need a shower.» 

«Ok, and then we return to the bunker» Dean smiled as Cas got to the bathroom. 

Castiel took off his clothes and went to the tub. He opened the water, feeling relaxed. Taking a shower was always a way for Castiel to relax. The water flowing through his body was one of his favorite human feels. Then suddenly Dean came in. Castiel stared at him confused. «Dean, what are you doing?» 

Dean smiled at him and took off his clothes too. He entered to the tub, in front of Cas and gave him a kiss. «Shower with me» he whispered and Cas blushed. Dean hugged him tight nuzzling to his neck, rubbing his back, touching his wounds. 

Castiel pulled back for a minute and looked sad at Dean. «Careful. They still hurt» 

«I am so sorry» Dean apologized and hugged again the former angel. 

Castiel crossed his hands to Dean’s neck and hanged by him, his forehead on Dean’s chest softly crying. «I am so happy having you here.» he whispered with a broken tone. «I don’t want to lose you again» and he kissed Dean’s jaw. 

Dean was holding Cas by his waist. «You won’t Cas. I swear» and kissed his mouth, staying calm as Cas rested his head on his shoulder. Both silent, with the only sound of the water falling, both calm and serene.  

Then they got out from the tub, they dressed and softly smiling packed to go to the Impala. 


	8. The Fight

When they got in, Castiel sat next to Dean and he thought for a moment that Sam was sitting there only. He tried to stop this thought and forced a smile to Dean. Dean gave him a kiss. They were silent, staring at the road till the moment Dean broke the silence. 

«Cas… Look, I don’t want to pressure you but since we have a new life to start together, I want you to think again the fact to wear your trench coat.»  

Castiel frowned and started getting angry. 

-Dean, I told you, I can’t! He said with an annoyed tone. 

-I know Cas, but this is not what you think. It would mean a lot to me if you wear it. 

-What the hell, is your problem and you want me to wear this stupid trench coat? Castiel yelled 

-What’s my problem? Dean stared angrily at Cas. What is my problem? I want my angel back! 

-Well, guess what, I am not an angel! 

Dean got mad with Cas’ bitch face. He regretted that he referred to the word ‘angel’ but Cas made him so angry. Castiel had no idea how important was for him. 

-Cas, I just want the person that loved the little tiny human things including his beloved item of clothing. 

-Dean, I am not that person anymore! 

-Yes, you are! 

-What’s your fucking problem and you insist that much? Castiel said and stared away from Dean. 

-I just want to… I just want to seal our reunion. I fucking love you Cas, and I want you to wear it because it would mean so much to me. It would mean that you still are MY angel, Dean admitted. 

-Why would you have to be such an egoist, Castiel said furiously still not staring at Dean. 

Dean wanted to punch him really hard when he said that. 

-Egoist? How dare you? 

-Yes, egoist! You can’t understand that I just can’t.  

-Castiel, you fucking shut up and look at me! Dean yelled. 

Castiel was surprised that Dean called him by his full name. When Dean did that, something serious was happening to him, so Castiel knowing he talked like a bitch to him, he turned and looked at him, sort of regretting what he said to him. 

Dean looked at his eyes not losing eye contact. «I fucking love you. When I took this trench coat I was thinking only you. This trench coat reminded me of you. This trench coat gave me the courage that you are out there, alone and scared and that I should find you. I gave all my love to this trench coat. And I want you to take it because it means so much to me and I want the same for you. It is a gift I took for my love and it seals that my heart is yours. I don’t care how bullshit this sounds but I told you that I’ll fix everything and that is what I am trying to do.» 

Castiel smiled softly and kissed his cheek. «I’ll do my best.» and gave him another kiss. Then both returned and looked at the road when they heard the horn of a truck, and the truck coming to their place. Dean didn’t have the time to turn around. He stared at Cas worried when they collided with the track and Cas fainted. 

One minute later, Castiel opened his eyes. He couldn’t move at all. He stared to the road as two people got out of the truck and rushed to them. Then, with big difficulty, he turned his head to left and looked at Dean that was unconscious, badly hurt and bleeding. A tear fell to Castiel’s eyes. «Dean… Don’t leave me…» he whispered powerlessly and lost his senses again. 


	9. The White Room

Castiel woke up in a white room, in a hospital bed. A doctor was standing up to him. «What happened?» he asked confused. 

«You and your friend had a car accident. You are not hurt that bad but your friend is really bad. He is in a coma, we couldn’t bring him back to consciousness.» 

«What?» Castiel asked and stood up immediately, but he fell to the floor dazed. 

«Calm down, these are the side effects of the medication we gave you. Dizziness, unstable walking, and headaches. You’ll be fine. I am really sorry for your friend, we did our best but his brain was really damaged by the crush.» 

Castiel was laying on the floor, trying to calm. Dean was… Oh God no, his whole life destroyed and it was his fault… «Get out of here!» he yelled to the doctor and the doctor walked away. Castiel kneed to the floor and started crying. He couldn’t stand a life without Dean. Dean ended like… Sam? No, he would find a way… If he was still an angel he would heal him but he sucked to it too. 

Kevin got in and saw Castiel on the floor. He rushed to him and hugged him tight. «I know Cas, I know. I feel the same» he whispered, hugging him tightly trying to calm him. 

Castiel swept his tears and hugged Kevin back. «I can’t live without him…» 

«I know Cas. We’ll find something» and Kevin hugged his head. 

Castiel looked up. «I want to see him.» 

«No Cas, please don’t do this to yourself» 

«I want to see him» he repeated with a strict tone and Kevin sighed and helped him to walk to Dean’s room. 

Castiel froze in the sight of his man, unconscious in the bed. He walked slowly to his bed and kneed in front of it, holding Dean’s hand tight. 

Kevin looked sadly at them. «I’ll give you some time. I’ll wait outside» and he left. 

Castiel was looking up, to Dean, hoping now that he would wake. He was crying again and staring at him. «Please, tell me you feel my hand to yours. Please wake up and kiss me. Please just come back. I beg you. You said we would have a life together, that you won’t leave me. You lied» he cried harder, and his forehead touched Dean’s hand. «I beg you, wake up. For me… Why, why are you doing this to me? Why you made me fall in love with you for a second time and then you left? Why didn’t you stare at the road and not me?» he stood up and kissed his forehead. «I was so stupid loving you. I shouldn’t because now? Now you broke my heart and nothing can’t fix it.» he pulled back and walked nervously to the room, staring at the ceiling, feeling desperate. «Why should I save you from hell? Why should I rebel for you in the first place? If I wasn’t that stupid, you would be happier without me…» he returned and hugged Dean’s body. «I did this to you… I am so scared Dean. I can’t live without you…» he said and then pulled back and swept his tears. 

He saw their bags next to Dean’s bed. He opened Dean’s bag and took the trench coat. He hugged the trench coat tight. «I will be your angel, I swear. I will wear this trench coat, I’ll love this as much as you did… Just come back to me… Come back to me…» He was silently crying and the tears fell to the trench coat. He sat in a chair next to him. «I’ll find a way to bring you back. I swear.» After a few hours crying, Castiel slept in the chair, hugging Dean’s gift. 


	10. Back To The Bunker

Kevin found Castiel sleeping in the chair, next to Dean’s bed. Again. He was hurt, bandaged and still, he didn't let anyone tο move him from there. They tried to give him some medications, they tried to make him eat but he refused any help. He was sitting in this chair for days, crying the most of the day and sleeping the rest, holding always the trench coat that was to his hands, letting no one touch it. Castiel totally looked like a mess. 

Kevin stepped to his place and shook him gently so Cas woke up.  

"What do you want Kevin?" he asked opening his eyes, dazed, his eyes red from the crying, still not leaving the trench coat from his hands. 

"I want you to come back Cas, to the bunker." Kevin sighed, staring at him full of sadness of how the angel ended. 

"I will stay next to Dean, Kevin. I won't leave his place. I won't leave him. Not again " Castiel said ready to cry again. 

Kevin didn't know what to do anymore. He tried so many times to move Cas from the damn chair, with no result. It had been exhausting to try so hard to bring Cas back to himself. He knew that a big part of him was with Dean. Belonged to him and if they didn't find a solution, Castiel would never be the same. 

"Castiel I need you." he dared to say starring Castiel in the eyes. 

Castiel looked up. "Don't say ever again these words. Never". 

"I need you" were the words that Dean said that day that Castiel managed to find his connection with his true self. It was the closest "I love you" Dean had said to him that time that he needed him. 

Kevin nodded not understanding the reason and walked closer. "You want to save him, right?" he asked the crying man. Castiel nodded, burying his face to the collar of Dean's gift. Wanting to die at his place next to Dean. 

"Good, so what you need to do now Cas, is to come with me. In the bunker. Here you can research and find a way to help Dean. Now you can't do anything than cry. I also need you to eat. Do you want to be strong for Dean right? Do you want to be useful? You can't if you are dead or weak. So stand up and help me bring him back. Ok?" He was trying to hear strict and sure. To encourage Cas to try at least. No one would know more than Cas of how to heal people or find spells to do that. Even if he didn't know it, Cas was needed. 

Castiel looked at him, with a painful look. "So there's a way to help him you think?" he asked innocently. 

Kevin nodded. "No one can help him more than you Castiel. No one. You can always come here to see him. Every day. Now wear your trench coat and come back home. Ok?"  

Castiel stood up with difficulty. He had to eat for days and he was also hurt by the accident. "Home is where Dean is" he mumbled as Kevin reached to help him. 

"Let’s go to the bunker then" he corrected and helped Castiel wear his trench coat and move to his car.  

Castiel froze outside the car. Kevin knew why. "Cas, it is not the same car. You are safe. No one is getting hurt. I swear. It was an accident. Nothing will happen if I drive until the bunker. I swear. Trust me Castiel." 

The former angel sighed in pain and looked at Kevin. "I trust you." he whispered and got into the passenger seat with Kevin's help. 

Kevin got into the car too and looked at him with a soft smile trying to calm him. "He searched for this trench coat for a long time. He was excited when he found you. He was texting me and he was feeling blessed you were alive and he would give you this gift. He called it his 'heart'." 

Castiel hearing all these burst into tears. "I couldn't save him... I denied to wear it and I called him egoist for pressing me to wear it... I can't... I was so stupid..." he cried hard. 

Kevin looked at him. "It wasn't your fault" he managed only to whisper and started the car, driving in silence, Castiel staring at the road, sobbing. 


	11. The Note And The Prayer

Castiel got into his room as they returned to the bunker. He sat in his bed and covered his face with his hands crying. He was staring at his trench coat. The only object that made him feel Dean was still with him. Even if he wasn't.  

He looked up, like he was directing to his father. He didn't believe he would do this again, but he was desperate. 'I am human. Anyway, this is what humans do when they are out of hope. They pray.' he thought to himself and kept staring up. 

"Father... Why did you do this to me... What have I done to deserve that much suffering? Haven't I paid for my mistakes? Why should I suffer more? Why should I endure more? I can't live like that anymore. You gave me the biggest blessing, being with the man I love and you took him from me... Why? What have I done so you hate me that much? What have I done?" he cried harder wanting to die as he was. 

"I hate you, Father! You've made me suffer but this is more than I can handle! Explain to me why you let me survive the accident and Dean not! Why! If you don't care at all at me why don't you kill me right now!" he was screaming, standing up now. 

"I hate you, Father. From this moment. You made me lost hope and my dreams, you broke me and at the end you gave them back to me, for what? To take them all back again?  Why are you so merciless! If you have a heart kill me now or bring him back!!!" he sat in the bed again crying. 

"But I don't deserve your mercy. You will let me suffer until my last breath... Please give me a sign... That you don't hate me... That I can save Dean... I can't stand anymore this life..." he was crying and he put his hands to his pockets. 

One moment later he felt a piece of paper to his pocket and took it confused. Was it the sign he asked for? He sighed sadly and looked at the paper. It was a note. It was Dean's handwriting.  

**"To Castiel, the only love of my life" it was written from the outside. He looked at it freaked out. It was a note from Dean. He swallowed it and unfold it.**

_"To Castiel. It's Dean, Cas. I know I am not really good at writing. But I had to. They put notes with gifts, don't they? This is my gift for you Castiel. I want you to know how much it would mean to me if you took this trench coat. And I know I won't talk about it so I am trying to write it down._

_When I lost Sam, I felt like losing all my world. I couldn't handle living without him. I didn't care about no one, and mostly about myself. I was hurt and then I realized that I wasn't alone. You were out there, alone, human and that was my only reason to wake up every morning. That the person I love is out there. I love you Cas. From the moment you walked in, in that barn. And I know I hurt you. Hell, I wish I knew how to fix things. And this is what I am trying to do._

_I took this trench coat so you can know how I feel. This trench coat was my reminder of you. What I hugged all these nights when I was scared by my nightmares. My only hope that you were out there and that I would be able to give this to you Cas. You are my hope. The only reason I kept being alive. Not human alive. Not just alive. Not in my body, in my soul. I didn't let my humanity to fade because I know this is what you loved in me. And I did my best to keep it. You said you love humanity Cas. I want to keep my humanity for you._

_This trench coat is my promise that my heart is yours. That you are the only thing that makes me keep going. Even losing my brother. So please, take it, for me._

_I love you. **Your humanity.** "  _

This was what the note said. Castiel was crying reading this. He took the note and left it next to him in the bed. Shocked. He stood, and started throwing things to the room, screaming. "This is the sign I asked for?! Why God! Why??? You took him from me, why you heartless son of a bitch! Why should I know about the note!" he was screaming and kicking and punching the wall, howling and crying. 

Kevin came in, left the food in the bed and reached to stop him, by hugging him. Castiel turned and looked at him and hugged back. "I can't live without him..." he cried as Kevin rubbed his back, rocking him softly. "I know Cas, we'll find a way..." he said softly trying to calm the former angel. 


	12. Researching

Castiel was in the library searching for Enochian spells, ways of healing someone or anything that could bring Dean back from the coma. Anything. And Castiel had nothing until now. 

It has been a month now that he was searching. Hardly eating what Kevin gave him, only enough to stay alive and keep searching. He was going to the hospital every day, talking to Dean for an hour, said his progress in searching to him, hoping he was hearing him. He was taking the bus every day in the morning, and came back every day in the afternoon, back in the library and his books. He didn't want to drive or force Kevin to drive him every day so he preferred to leave every day silently and come back in the same way. He didn't take off the trench coat at all. He was careful to keep it clean. He didn't want to take it off at all, until Dean was up. He promised himself to do that. Always having the note to his pocket and reading it every single day before falling asleep, to give him the strength to keep searching. Keep digging in the books. 

Kevin came into the library, holding a plate with a hamburger. "Cas it's been two days. Don't make me beg you to eat again. It's your favorite, so take a break and eat. We had a deal, you need to have food to research." Kevin said and looked at him.  

Castiel sighed and nodded. "Thank you Kevin." he said in a depressed look and left the book in the side. Kevin stayed sitting next to him, accompanying him to eat. Castiel took some bites from the food with difficulty and then he managed to ask what he wanted all day. 

-Kevin, do we still have the demon tablet? he asked staring at the floor. 

-Yeah Cas, we do.                                    

-And you can still read it, right? 

-Yeah. 

-Can you do me a favor? Do you know if it has any bounding spell for using a demon? 

Kevin didn't like what Castiel was asking. 

-Why are you asking? 

-No demon is making a deal with me. I don't know who rules hell now but I can't close a deal to bring Dean back. 

The cold look on Castiel's face made Kevin worry. Not a single part of emotion, fear, hesitation. Kevin knew that Castiel would do anything to bring Dean back but he didn't expect him to be that bad. That focused on that target. He couldn't help but be angry with Castiel. Risking his life for Dean. Common Winchesters. 

"Cas, you won't make a deal, alright! No deal! You know better than anyone how they end up! No hell, no heaven, no one will help you being Dean back, no deal with none of these sides! You swore me to remain safe!" Kevin yelled in the middle of the room. 

Castiel left the food on the side. "You forced me to swear! It doesn't matter anymore, I do what I want to do!" he yelled back and then the idea came to his mind. He smiled at Kevin. "Kevin you are a genius!" he mumbled and Kevin was sure now that it was something that he said that would make things worse, that gave Cas a motivate to go deeper but not always in a good way. 

And actually, Kevin's words made Castiel find the idea to bring Cas back. 'No hell, no heaven' Kevin said. No heaven. Castiel would make a deal that the angels couldn't reject and he would have Dean back. Probably. It worthed the try. But Kevin shouldn't know or he would stop him. And he couldn't lose one more chance to save Dean. Even if it cost him his life.  


	13. The Deal

Castiel was locked in his room. He said to Kevin that he would get some sleep after some medications he took for that. So Kevin wouldn't be suspicious of what Castiel was going to do. 

It was afternoon and Kevin would probably study. 

Castiel sat on the edge of his bed and smiled. "Bartholomew? Can you hear me? You thought that you were done with me? Some years tortured only and then you are done? I have a good deal for you. Graceless or not, you will enjoy what I am going to give you. This isn't a trap. 'I am a helpless, miserable human' as you said" he said sarcastically and waited for the angel to appear. 

And this is what he did. "What do you want Castiel? Are you that desperate to call me? I am the last person you want here. I told you to live this life. I told you that this is gonna be the biggest challenge for you. You are not giving up, you do not kill yourself in any way and I won't torture you after death. Was it too much? Do you want to give up Cas?" he smiled at him and heard a clear "Shut up" from Castiel. 

"Watch your tongue brother. Oh, my mistake, former brother" he chuckled. 

"I said I have a deal for you" Castiel repeated again staring at him. "You save Dean Winchester from the coma, you heal him and I will tell you everything I know about the tablets, I'll give you the demon tablet. And you can do whatever you want with me after death. Just bring Dean back" Castiel said and stared at him, waiting for an answer. 

Bartholomew almost laughed. "This is your deal? I don't like it at all. I can always just dig into the bunker and find the tablet. And take also your little precious prophet with me. Let me suggest you something else. I will take you in some time and torture you until your soul can't handle anymore. Ten times stronger pain than the one you had before. Sounds good? And I'll save your Dean."  

"How much time will you give me? Ten years?" 

Bartholomew walked closer. "I am not a demon Cas. You have one day with your lover and then I'll take you tomorrow back home." 

Castiel rushed to Bartholomew with his angel blade hut he stopped him and stabbed his hand to the wall, stopping him from scream. "You are in the deal or not. One day with your Dean and then with me or go live a life without him. Deal or not?" he said as Castiel whimpered. He nodded to him and Bartholomew healed his hand. "Deal" Castiel said crying and the angel smiled pleased with himself. "Good, let's make sure Kevin won't suspect anything hah?" he said and touched Castiel's forehead so Castiel fell asleep. 


	14. Back From The Dead

Castiel twitched to his sleep and when he woke up he realized he was wet and Kevin standing in front of his smiling.  

"What happened?" he asked in a confused, sleeping face. He was trying to clarify what was a dream now and what was reality the last night. 

"You couldn't wake up, so I threw a glass of water to your face. Dean is awake!" Kevin said excited and hugging Cas tight. 

Castiel almost cried after hearing that. "Seriously? Is he awake?" he asked feeling happiness overwhelming him.  

Kevin nodded with a smile. "They just called me from the hospital, they said he is up an hour now and seems healthier than ever!" 

Castiel stood up, checked to his hand that Bartholomew stabbed him, that was healed now, and then stood up and walked furious to the car, his hands on his trench coat pockets, smiling, full of happiness, feeling blessed his man was back. Finally. And it worthed the cost. "Kevin come on now, we don't have much time, let's go see him!" he yelled, grinning at him after a long time. 

Kevin got into the driver's seat and started driving as Castiel took Dean's note from his trench coat and started reading it again, crying from happiness he was on the way, back to his Dean. He could actually kiss him, hold his face and say how much he loved him in the same way he did. He wanted Dean to know that the trench coat, meant the same to Cas, the same that it meant to Dean. He wanted him to know that it was the only object that kept him warm at nights, that kept giving him a sense that his Dean was still there with him. He wanted Dean to know that whenever they were away, both would know that they would be together again. No matter what. 

Kevin smiled a bit worried about Cas and kept staring at the road silent. Hoping everything would be good for Cas and Dean. 


	15. Back To Each Other’s Arms

Dean was awake a few time now, and he saw he was in a white room in the hospital. The last thing he could remember was that they hit them a track, and he couldn't turn the Impala. And now he was in a hospital bed, alone and the doctors saying that he was in a coma for more than a month. 'It is a miracle, you were brain dead' his doctor said and Dean didn't like that. What might Castiel did that brought him back in consciousness? What deal Cas may did and that would cost him losing his angel again. He had to admit, he was impatient to see his love again. 

And when he saw him, his angel, standing in the doorframe, with tears and a big smile to his face, he couldn't help but cry with him. 

"You wear the trench coat" Dean said full of feelings. He felt he would explode from happiness. "Damn, you read the note, right?" he asked and Castiel nodded weeping as he ran to his place and hugged him tightly. 

"Dean, I love you so much, I will never take off the trench coat, I read the note. I love you so so much Dean, I wouldn't keep going if I didn't have a little hope you would come back to me. And you did..." his voice broke and held more tight burying his face to Dean's chest. "I had the trench coat and I knew that you would come back to me. No matter what. And I swear to you, as long as I wear it, I will come back Dean. No matter what. Dead or alive. You saved me, Dean. I didn't save you, you saved me. I love you damn, I can't live without you" 

Dean kept fondling his angel's face, and ruffling his hair, trying to make clear he was back, no matter what. But he also was worried. He couldn't come back just like that. Something Cas surely did and it would cost him. 

"Cas as long as you wear the trench coat, I want you to know that we will meet again. That I will find you in all the lengths of Earth. No matter what. Because I love you. And we are together now. Past is past. We are together now and this is all that matters." he said and kissed Cas passionate and beaming wide at him. "Just one more thing Cas. Explain to me one thing. What did you do, for me to come back?" he said and Castiel's smile faded. 

He had to lie. "I tried to close a deal with a demon but I couldn't. I gave up Dean. I am sorry. I tried everything. I didn't bring you back." he said with a sad face and kissed his nose. 

"Are you sure Cas? Are you sure you didn't do anything? That will cost you? Please, I want to know." he said worried staring into his eyes. Cas nodded hesitating. 

"Yes, Dean. Just... Why don't we spend this day like it's our last together? You have no idea how much I missed you. You have no idea. The pain I felt the last month." he whispered hugging Dean again, scared to say that this was actually their last day together. Dean smiled and nodded, holding Cas tight, and pulling him next to him in the bed. Mumbling sweet words to his ear the whole night and just staring at each other, smiling and feeling blessed they still had each other. 

Castiel was like he was taking in, all the feelings and the love Dean was giving him, just wishing the moment never to end. Never. How the hell he would leave Dean behind? Now that he promised him to come back and stay together no matter what. He was crying softly from time to time for a reason that Dean couldn't understand. 

"Everything will be alright Cas. I promise" Dean said over and over again kissing him all over his face, smiling. This is how they spent the whole night. And Kevin sitting outside and giving them as time as they needed. 


	16. Last Moments

Dean and Castiel were sleeping when the morning found them together, cuddling in the hospital bed. Both woke up at the same time when they heard the door slam and the familiar angel coming in. Dean froze and Castiel sighed sadly as he buried his face more to Dean's neck. Bartholomew smirked at the sight of the desperate former angel and kept being silent. It was fun seeing them fight for one last time. The fact that Cas gave up his life to leave Dean alive but also alone. 

Dean looked down at Castiel and the silence made him worry even more. "Cas, what the hell is happening?" Dean asked panicked and Cas's sorrowful look made him more upset. 

Castiel looked at Bartholomew. He wasn't ready to leave Dean again. "You said one day. We made the deal yesterday afternoon, now it's morning. Give me some more hours. Please" he said full of sadness walking to his place. 

"What deal Cas? What the hell are you talking about? Explain!" Dean demanded full of stress, something that made Bartholomew almost laugh. 

"Cas, the sun rose, this is a beginning of a new day, and in our case... I own you." he grinned at him. "Explain to your little pet, our deal. I have time for fun. I like watching drama stories. Especially in real life" the angel said and leaned against the wall, watching them. Giving them space and time to talk. 

Castiel turned and looked at Dean. He had never seen Dean more angry or upset. "I lied ok? I made a deal with Bartholomew. I made a deal to give my soul in exchange, you to live. And we would have one day only together. I know it was stupid but I needed you back!" Castiel cried and sat next to him in the bed. Dean seemed to want to avoid any eye contact with Cas and that made his heart, break more. "I know you may hate me..." he cried. 

"May hate you? I hate you Cas and damn much! You lied to me, promised me a life you couldn't give me! And what? You are such an egoist Cas! Yes, you are!" Dean screamed sobbing. "You only thought to have me back, you never thought for a moment you leave me behind, alone in this life! You never thought about the pain I will experience without you! You never actually did! You just thought that you wanted me back! You! How am I supposed to move on? How am I supposed to  live this life that I don't want without you!" Dean yelled crying, covering his face with his hands. 

Castiel's heart shattered into pieces. "D-Dean, I did it to save you..." 

"No, you didn't! You did it because you wanted to have me back, never asked me if I can live with the burden that the love of my life sacrificed for my damned little soul! You never asked me!" Dean kept screaming in anger. 

"I did it because I love you" Castiel whispered, clenching the sheets and tears falling to the bed. 

Dean didn't talk for some time. He wanted to stay angry with Cas but he couldn't help but hug him tight when he felt calming a bit, seeing his angel breaking in front of him. 

He cupped his face and swept his tears with his thumb. "Look at me buddy. I am here ok? I won't let you down. I will still keep fighting, alright? I will still kick in this awful and damaged world. I will be with you while you... While you leave... And if this is our last time on Earth, I want you to know that you were the best part of my life. You brought light, hope and dreams to my little human soul. And I won't be ok Cas. Not without you. But I will keep fighting. I promise you that. I will be here and wait for the time to see each other again. I don't care where. Heaven, hell, earth, even the damn purgatory, we will see each other again." he said with tears to his face, smiling bright to him and grabbed him from his trench coat. "This trench coat. We promised right? We see each other again, no matter time or place. I will spent every breath I have left, to wait for my time to see you again. And this will be the most amazing time in our lives. I promise you. You'll wear it, with my little love note inside the pocket, and I will see you, run to your place and... And I will hug you tight and never leave you again. Because this will be my purpose in life. To see you again my love." his voice broke at the end. "We have to wait ok? Until God, fate or anyone wants us together again. Damn, I hate you for this Cas" he cried and kissed him again, holding him tight, taking in his face, his beautiful blue eyes, his sense, his messy hair, his smile that hid so many emotions of pain, despair, love, and kindness, all mixed to his beautiful grace. Not soul. Because Cas even human was still his angel. A special being, made only for Dean. His angel that fell for him and sacrificed everything. 


	17. Saying Goodbye

"Come on Cas, enough drama, time to go back home." Bartholomew said, done with the amounts of the emotions in the room. 

Castiel kissed Dean one more time and took off the trench coat. He handed it to Dean. "Keep it. And give it to me for the time we see each other again. I want you to have it. I want you to know I am still with you." Castiel said with an aching smile on his face. 

"Cas wait!" Dean cried and took this note from the pocket. "At least keep the note" he whispered braking. 

Castiel stared at him. "Dean I read the note a million times. I know exactly what it says. Trust me. I can't have it, where I am going. Just keep it for me, safe and I will take it back sometime. I won't ever forget not a single word of what it says." Castiel reassured him and turned to face Bartholomew. "I am ready, take me" Castiel said and Bartholomew gave him a gun. Castiel stared at the gun confused. "What is that?" 

"What, you thought I was just gonna zap you to heaven? You have to leave your human vessel first" 

"And why are you giving the gun to me? You can just touch me and I die. Why do you want me to use a gun?" Castiel said freaking out. 

"Because it will be more fun for me and your Dean." Bartholomew answered with a smirk. 

"No" he tried to protest but Bartholomew stopped him. 

"If you don't do it, I'll make Dean do it. It that clear? And if you want to try something stupid, I want to remind you that bullets can't kill me or distract me. Your thoughts are too loud." he declared and Castiel simply nodded, crying. 

He took the gun -Dean wanting to turn around as he kept whining and choking up- and placed it to his jaw. He closed his eyes and then he heard a sound, he heard a shot, but it wasn't from his own gun. He opened his eyes and stared at the dead body of Bartholomew in the floor and Kevin in the door, holding a gun to his hand, panting and pointing at the dead angel. Kevin had killed Bartholomew. 


	18. Kevin Tran

Kevin knew that he said something that gave a dangerous idea to Castiel. He knew that face, that lit up just at the moment he said to him about dealing with heaven or hell. So he had to his mind to be careful of what Cas was going to do. And soon.  

And the time came with the cheap excuse from Cas, that he took some sleeping pills and he was going to sleep. He knew Cas was a terrible liar but this was too much. Cas, the person who denied to eat, sleep, even take a painkiller for his headache, he decided to take the sleeping pills that days now Kevin begs him to take. That was too easy. So he checked and the room was locked from the inside. He waited outside for really long time when he managed to hear the whole deal Castiel was going to do with Bartholomew. He wanted to break the door, to stop him from doing something that stupid, especially when Bartholomew pinned him to the wall and hurt him. But he knew that he would just make things worse than what they already were. When he heard that Bartholomew put Castiel to sleep and that he would be back for him again, in the next day and know that Dean would be awake soon, after checking Cas, he rushed to his bag and took an angel blade he had, a long time ago, and melt it into angel bullets. It took him a long time and when he had four bullets to his gun he heard the call. He woke up Castiel and placed the gun to his belt. He hated carrying guns and he wanted to avoid violence, but if he had a chance to save Castiel and kill Bartholomew, he would do anything that needed. 

When they arrived at the hospital, he signed to Dean that he was outside and preferred to stay in the outside of the room. He had to give to Dean and Castiel as time as they wanted, especially if this was their last time together. And he didn't want to I interrupt them. At the start, he managed to sleep for an hour, in the middle of the night, in the chair in the hallway. He wanted to stay awake, so if Bartholomew came for them, he would be ready for him. 

But he fell asleep again in the morning. No matter if he took three coffees, he couldn't hold himself. When he woke up, he heard crying, they were both from Dean and Castiel and also Bartholomew chuckling. He opened slowly the door to see the angels back, turned to him, Castiel holding a gun to his chin and Dean holding the trench coat, crying as hard as he could. He pointed at his heart and pulled the trigger with his eyes closed. It was the first time he had shot someone. He opened his eyes and Bartholomew was dead in the floor, Castiel froze to his position and Dean staring at him at less of words. Castiel looked at Kevin, he walked to his place and hugged him as tight as he could. "From this day you are my family too" Castiel whispered, weeping, as kept Kevin to his embrace.


	19. “The Note”

_“Well this note, you will read when I am probably dead. Or when you try to wash the trench coat, something you won't do without my permission as I think. You must be a really important person to me to have my trench coat now. Dean, Faith or Kevin or anyone can be alive at the moment and actually care for my death. So this note will stay hidden in my pocket, waiting for you to have my trench coat in your hands. Check to the other pocket, if you already didn't. It's the other note. Dean's note. Yes, the one that I was reading every night and kept giving me hope to keep fighting no matter what. You can see from my handwriting that I am adding things. All these years I save this note and 'update' it for you, when you are in this place._

_You may know that I had one big love in my life. Dean Winchester. The one person that changed my life. The one person that made me human. That taught me what love, dreams and hope is. The one person that completed me. We had a great life. We stopped hunting. We decided to stay safe and in peace. Leave the battles of the past behind us. We loved each other like no human could love another one. We had a daughter, my amazing Faith. We had Donna as surrogate. I remember not wanting a child. I remember Dean almost begging me to think about it. Because I had the same idea that I will fail our kid and that I would hurt more than help. But she grew up, she studied, she became an amazing person, full of feelings, holding an amazing world inside her heart. Something I wanted to protect. And with Dean, together we grew up this amazing human being, that I am proud to call my daughter. She always wanted to wear my trench coat. But I knew that this trench coat was my heart. Something that if I took off, it would lose its meaning to me and become again a simple piece of clothing. I just wanted to tell that I lived my life to the fullest. I loved the one man that completed my life and together we grew our child, the most beautiful and amazing human being in the world. And all these years, the fights, the hurting, the pain, all these years this trench coat, this symbol of my man's love, was with me. But it also was with the happy memories. The cold winter nights that the three of us were cuddling in the couch - the nights that Faith was scared and she wanted to sit with us and watch a movie, when we lied on the grass and had the stars above us, when I was making breakfast at the morning, when Dean was fixing the Impala and we were drinking beers. When I had my attacks, when I thought I lost my mind, when I couldn't eat or sleep for days, Dean was sitting with me, hugging me and saying everything would be alright. And he was right. I hope I never failed you Dean. And I know that even to my last breath, I'll die loving you. I kept whispering Enochian to your sleep, for the nights you had nightmares, I kept staring deep into your eyes and feeling I might get lost to them. I kept loving you every damn minute. Thank you Dean for being my light, the life of my life, the one who made me who I am. Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for giving me something to believe in. In your love. And thank you Faith for calling me your father. Thank you for making my life full, for more than it already was. I love you Dean. I love you Faith. I love you all of you. “_


End file.
